Transgender Day of Remembrance & Resilience, observed on November 20 each year, is dedicated to honoring the lives of our transgender siblings who were lost due to anti-trans violence, discrimination, and stigma. 

Piece written by Noël Heatherland, Statewide Organizing Manager at Georgia Equality.

When I was asked to write something for Georgia Equality for this year’s TDOR, I paused to consider the direction I wanted to go: Trans Day of Resilience or Trans Day of Remembrance. I ultimately chose both. Life is nothing if not duality. Especially in these times. Trans and gender expansive people are some of the best at holding space for it all. We know what it’s like to go to funerals in the morning and go dancing in the evening.

When it comes to remembering, we intentionally remember nonbinary and trans people who are no longer earthside. Whether it be a trans elder and Stonewall Riot era great who died this year of natural causes like Miss Major, a nonbinary abolitionist activist– Tortuguita– who was killed in Atlanta in 2023 defending our forests, or another nonbinary activist Summer Taylor– murdered at a Black Lives Matter protest in Seattle in 2020– the extremely long list of names of predominantly Black trans women who were killed because of hate, or the trans and nonbinary folks who have endured hateful attack ads and relentless anti-trans political rhetoric and decided this world is too painful of a place to be– we remember them all. We remember the cruelty they experienced. We remember their accomplishments. We remember their humanity. We remember them now as ancestors and guides from the other side, and in some cases as friends we dearly miss. 

Some people ask me how I speak so confidently in large public spaces especially on transgender and genderqueer human rights in the hostile climate we find ourselves living through, and I often credit invoking the spirits of our trancestors. I learned from Black and Brown mentors and teachers that we are never truly alone. Those who have come before us are always with us, especially when we request them to be. I say their names in speeches not just to offer historically important education on their existence and achievements but as a way of inviting their spirit and tenacity to be present with me. Marsha P. Johnson is a trancestor who has shown up for me over the years and I’ve often felt her strength in some of my most difficult moments. 

Recently, here in Georgia, we have a new name to add to our list of those to remember: Marisol “Mari” Payero*, a 22 year old Latina trans woman and college student at Kennesaw State University. Funeral services are this Sunday with a dedicated vigil to happen among the KSU community and the KSU Pride Alliance in the coming weeks.

I knew Mari as a fellow gender expansive person and a fellow advocate, and obviously there is so much more to her than those aspects. She is not just another statistic. She was important to many including her family and her fellow students. She served visibly as the President of the KSU Pride Alliance in a time where KSU and other universities are complying in advance and rolling back protections for and the dignity of certain students. In fact, Mari and I worked together with other student leaders to open the KSU Pride Center off campus a few months back so LGBTQ+ students could still have a safe space after the university shuttered the one on campus.

She loved the color blue, was a practicing Celtic Druid, and was very proud of her personal connection to Argentina. Mari was very lucky when it came to being loved- she had family and friends who loved her dearly. We will miss your light, Mari. I’m sorry the weight of this world felt too heavy to bear. I wish you could have waited to see it get better. But I understand what it’s like to feel that leaving is the best choice. Our love and prayers go to your family, and we will work hard to ensure you have a strong and lasting legacy as you deserve. We commit to fighting against transphobia in all its forms and calling out politicians when they say and do harmful things. May your memory be both a blessing and an inspiration to co-create a more inclusive and safer society for all of us – trans people, immigrants, and all of us. 

Now, I also want to remember joy and the beautiful and vibrant community of transgender and nonbinary people who are still here with us. People like Dr. Christy Perez founder of the Dreaming Justice Project, Toni-Michelle Williams Executive Director of Solutions not Punishment Collaborative, Bella Bautista founder of This Doesn’t Define Me, Bentley Hudgins state director for the Human Rights Campaign, Danielle Bonanno E.D. for Inclusive Recovery and Georgia Equality Board member, Chanel Haley Deputy Director for Georgia Equality– just to name a few locals doing work for Black, queer, and collective liberation. Follow them, support them, celebrate them. Give them their flowers now. One of my highlights from Atlanta Pride 2025 was seeing both Raquel Willis and Dr. Christy– two trans women of color– serve as grand marshalls for this year’s Atlanta Pride Parade. More of this please! 

Many people who know me well know I am rarely seen without my partner: Arie Parker. I jokingly refer to us as “codependent sapphics,” but in all honesty it’s not that. It’s a very healthy, strong, and loving interdependence. This T4T relationship she and I have is the epitome of queer love and trans joy.  She is beautiful, and she is my best friend. Our partnership is the healthiest relationship I’ve had the honor of experiencing. We have both endured so much including violence to become our authentic selves and find each other. So in this piece where I acknowledge our deaths and our losses, I also remember love. I remember our resilience. I honor the sacredness of our communions, our connections.

A lot of people talk about protecting the dolls. It’s been a hot topic in the community– love the shirts. But dolls can’t be protected if you aren’t supporting their small businesses, their nonprofit work, or their art. Arie makes beautiful art including murals and paintings and is a highly talented and experienced tattoo artist. But she has had people overlook her or cause problems for her at times because she is Black and trans. So when you are hiring a speaker or buying art, remember supporting the dolls is protecting the dolls. 

Lastly, I want to close by speaking directly to my fellow trans and nonbinary folx for a moment. Most people who know me know I have dedicated my life to the work of unlearning what was initially taught to me as gospel and instead embracing the good news of collective liberation. As a white they/them, I will never personally know what it’s like to live life as a Black trans woman. But what I do know is that I care about my liberation and yours also. White trans and nonbinary people, it is our duty and the right thing to do to listen to and center Black trans women (and Black trans men). We need to remember that being trans or gender expansive does not excuse us from being a part of anti-racism work and that we must support Black and Brown liberation as much as gender liberation.

To my trans sisters and brothers, as a nonbinary person, I understand we will have very different experiences and I would never claim to go through some of the same challenges or safety threats. Some of us are more susceptible to hate crimes, some to suicide. We have all been targeted politically at national and state levels albeit in different ways. When we make room at our tables and we allow everyone the safety to fall outside of the gender binary and its associated expectations, we can create a world where we all have more joy and resilience to remember. “No one is free until we are all free.”

If people can hate people they don’t know, I can love people whether I know them or not. I love you. 

In solidarity,
Noël Heatherland, Statewide Organizing Manager

 

* There is a GoFundMe for Marisol Payero’s family to help them with arrangements during this time. Please consider sharing or donating as you are able. We take care of each other.