by Jessica Douglas

Asexuality Awareness Week 2023: Visibility for the Invisible Orientation

by Yaron Bernstein, Development & Communications Intern

Do you know what the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for? Until a few years ago, I assumed that it meant ally, a label I was fairly confident applied to me. Then, I learned about asexuality through an online video and learned that it is what the A actually stands for. Shortly thereafter, I began identifying as asexual; it turns out the only reason I hadn’t known I was asexual all my life is because I didn’t know it was a thing that I could be. This is a story not unique to the asexual experience, but the degree of unawareness of, even within the LGBTQIA+ community, has led to its being known as the “invisible orientation,” which is why events such as Ace Awareness Week– October 22-28– and International Asexuality Day–April 6th– are so important. It’s not just about showing pride and supporting our community, it is about reminding the world, and ourselves, that we exist. It is making the invisible visible.

Ace Awareness Week and International Asexuality Day celebrate the entirety of this spectrum, and everyone who feels some affinity for the identities within is welcome. To honor Ace Awareness Week, here is an FAQ for anyone who wants to better understand or be a better ally:

  • What is asexuality? – Asexuality is both an umbrella term and a sexual orientation of its own. The umbrella covers the identities of anyone who feels sexual attraction rarely, situationally, or not at all. Within the asexual umbrella, there is asexuality, feeling little to no sexual attraction to anyone, demisexuality, meaning that you only develop sexual attraction to someone after forming a strong emotional bond, and gray asexuality, a catch-all orientation for people who feel sexual attraction rarely or at specific times, but don’t fit cleanly into the asexual or demisexual identities. There are also a myriad of subidentities, all of which are valid and welcome in the asexual community. These identities are often referred to collectively as falling on the asexuality spectrum. 
  • How is asexual different from aromantic? – The aromantic spectrum is very similar to the asexual spectrum, but instead of being centered on a lack of sexual attraction, it is centered on a lack of romantic attraction. Romanticism and sexual orientation are not necessarily correlated and it is possible to be asexual without being aromantic or vice-versa. Many people are both, but someone’s romantic orientation cannot be assumed from their sexual orientation. However, the amount of overlap in the communities and the similarity in the struggles they face has often led to aromantics and asexuals being each other’s most vocal allies.
  • How is asexuality different from celibacy/low libido? – Celibacy is the voluntary avoidance of sex. It has nothing to do with sexuality, and though many asexuals are celibate, many aren’t. Similarly, feelings of attraction are completely separate from libido. Some asexuals categorize their feelings on having sex as favorable (they enjoy it and may even actively seek it out despite not feeling attracted to their partners), neutral (they don’t have any strong feelings on sex, and likely won’t actively seek it out), or repulsed (they feel some level of disgust at the idea of having sex, often dislike discussions or depictions of it, and will not seek it out). None of these feelings about sex are more or less valid, and they can change over time. This is also extremely personal, and asking someone about their sexual history or views on sex is inappropriate.
  • Is this one of those new fad identities from social media? – No identity, no matter how recent it may seem, is invalid, a “fad”, or unworthy of respect. Like all sexualities, asexuality is as old as humanity, and academic acknowledgement of it goes back to the earliest gender and sexuality advocates of the 1800s, though under a variety of different names. The use of the actual word “asexual” dates back at least as far as 1907, and when Alfred Kinsey made his scale of sexual attraction in the 1940s, he included an “x” for those who feel attraction to nobody. During the explosion of queer activism in the 1970s, asexuals were right in the middle, fighting for our place and writing foundational works about how we fit in the grand tapestry of humanity.
  • Why is this queer and/or what discrimination do asexuals face? – Queerness should never be defined by other people’s hatred. It is about experiencing gender and attraction that doesn’t fit neatly into the heterosexual gender binary; and asexuality is very much queer by that definition. Furthermore, asexuals do face discrimination–from widespread microaggressions caused by societal assumptions about sexual relationships, to direct exclusion and erasure, and even to violence. 

To find more information about asexuality and the wider ace spec community, visit the AVEN, the Asexual Visibility & Education Network, at asexuality.org. For more information about Ace Week and associated events, visit aceweek.org.